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ICC Certification Case Reporting
Make every effort to submit your case reports within 30 days of services ending. Case reports are carefully reviewed by a Candidate Review Team prior to graduation so a detailed report is the best way to communicate the dynamics of the peacemaking skills used. Copies are automatically sent to you and your Advisor.
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Privacy Policy: Do not use the actual names of the parties. But be consistent in the names that you do use for this report and your uploaded report summary. Any private case documents and files must be kept secure or destroyed after follow-up is complete. Please consult with your advisor or the ICC office if you have any questions.
Case Management Questions
Case management is everything that precedes actual conciliation and is often a significant preparation for both conciliator and the parties.
I have met with M personallly for counseling, connection and in a supportive role as an attendee of our church. She contacted me in need of a mediation for her marriage conflict.
We had met previously as a couple to chat about some difficulties they were having in communication, and concerns managing the behaviours of one of their children. We had discussed the importance of continuing the conversations when things get tough and choosing to move toward one another. This gave them hope that it was ok to process and yet they wanted and need help to move toward each other and not isolate.
As I had been meeting with M for personal reasons I was aware of her spiritual maturity, and she had voiced her desire to honor God and yet didn't know how to manage the conflict with her hubby in a way that would honor God. He also expressed a desire to honor his family, and was finding it hard to trust God for what could happen in the family.
confict coaching form, conciliation form, agreement form
As the pastor of the church, I was the key contributor to drawing them back into conversations about important concerns. B was also involved in a men's group and had a person to which he was connecting for input and guidance
Yes I did explain my role - the limitations/boundaries and the need for them to own their solutions and actions
Yes a staff member who works alongside M in a volunteer role was very influential in prayer, encouragement, and support.
Pre-mediation / Coaching Questions
Conflict Coaching cases do not apply toward Supervised case requirements. However, Pre-Mediation coaching is essential and counts toward your total mediation case hours.
Issues - lack of communication, communication styles, isolation, mental health issues, past trauma, fear, decisions around schooling options, selfishness
Whose approval do you want most of all?
Whom are you seeking to please at almost any cost?
What do you want to preserve or avoid about your reputation?
In this situation, what or whom do you fear most?
How are your expectations of the other person magnifying your demands on her and your disappointment in her failure to meet your desires?
How are you judging the other person when your desires are not met?
How are you getting even with the other person when your desires are not met?
How have you communicated to the other person what you feel she must do?
How have you threatened the other person?
M- fear, safety, trust in self not God - unwilling to embrace or hear the affirmation and concern spoken for her and family - closed hardened heart
B - no hope, unable to see things God's way - "his friends" said he should..., control and impatience - not listening to how he was affecting family - his mind was crowded by i should, friends say I must.. took a role as he knows best and diminished her value
Colossians 3:13 bear with each other and forgive one another
Ephesians 4:32 be kind and compassionate ...forgive as Christ forgave
1 Corinthians 13
humility was their response and a reminder of what God would want in their actions toward one another reminded them of the values they believe in, but were unable to get to that spot alone, remembering what love from God's perspective looks like
Yes they did
each given a biblical study to read, share and work together on . They were willing, but the disruptive behavioural issues of one child did not allow them to complete - they were frustrated and annoyed at themselves - they were over the top emotionally spent and knew they needed help
A willingness to meet face to face, to see beyond the patterns they had each noted and seen in their relationship. Trust was built
Meeting with each separately to hear desires and to help them prepare their hearts and minds to be willing to listen and respond in mediaiton, build trust with B, and to create space for reflection and ownership of their own contribution to the conflict.
Mediation Case Questions
Continue completing this case form for all mediation cases, independent or supervised. You need to be the lead conciliator on two (2) cases submitted and you need to complete the intake for two (2) cases submitted.
Yes - we chatted about the initial needs and family dynamics that caused stress in the family, the variety of stressors on the couple from parenting to communication styles/differences and the conflicts that had arisen. The final conflict where mediation was needed was not fully discussed with the advisor as we have not been able to connect via phone since Sept. I have the summer's off from work at the church, so communication with my advisor ended and we haven't resumed yet. My advisor was helpful in the initial conversations about what steps to consider and in what priority for the couple. Helping me direct conversations and insight into support that would move it into mediation if needed
The room is a meeting room with fireplace, arm chairs and couch. It is warm and inviting and spacious enough to provide options for sitting. They were both tentative and closed in their demeanor as they had been experiencing conflict and one party wondered if they should consider separation at this time. They had come to an impass and were hurt and frustrated, but willing to be together to discuss things.
I read out the rules and the desire for the end to find an agreement should they choose.
Read James 4:1-3 7-10 - discussed conflict is common in relationships, what causes conflict, how can they prepaare themselves to meet and the need to remember that there is always hope in Jesus.
Both described what they hoped for - happiness for all - kids and each other and stated their commitment to working on themselves and reuniting and establishing peace in the home
M - willing to move forward together but changes needed to be seen in communication and family interactions
B - thankful to be able to move toward resolution - hopeful to have tools to put into practice, seeking stability in home
M started by sharing how her personal needs - counseling needed to be a priority and she wanted to do it with her family intact,but she would need things to change. She expanded on the various triggers and needs that were being affected by the lack of peace in the home. She felt criticized and unable to measure up to his expectations.
B shared how he was willing to manage and change himself and expressed his need to know that all they had been working toward was not wasted, that he would have be able to have respect, and understanding that he is hurting and frustrated too. He expressed his impatience and desire to all get along like other families
Fear
Lack of trust
Selfishness
Critical spirit and threatening tone
Exhaustion
Not different but more clearly spoken as the conflict had reached a point of deep frustration and ultimatum for need for change
proverbs 14:29 Whoever is patient has understanding but one who is quick tempered displays folly
1Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares for you.
To manage the anxious in the room, and to remind both parties that they are able with God's help to control their responses.
Both were able to acknowledge their emotions and re-set
Both apologized for their part to each other, and neither defended themselves, but we humble in granting and offering forgiveness
This was hard for them, but they acknowledged it was the right thing todo, and the desire for things to change was a big motivator. They acknowledged the effect them want their marriage and communication style etc to have on their children was a big reason for them to examine their own actions.
communication styles were barriers to hearing one another -
frustration and conflict over needs not being met and not even being able to express or even understand themselves and their reactions - both were able to express and listen and acknowledge their contribution of impatience, disrespect, opting out of commitment when things got difficult
lack of belief that God could do anything, and trying to change one another and be God themselves in the story
issues - M - being talked over, no peace in the home, too high expectations on her as she is trying to heal, manage kids, home, life's storms, wants to separate if they can't find a solution to manage their own emotions, kids outbursts, need to feel safe with B
B - impatient with slow progress, and change, feeling unheard, depression seasons, not willing to separate and lose his family, afraid they will grow apart and not reconcile, prideful and noting selfishness as a root of his responses.
Voices and opinions sought from others and not God
They both shared how they longed for peace in the home
They wanted to try to do it together for the benefit of the kids and their relationship, to honor their love and commitment that they once proclaimed - to honor God
But how - defining roles more effectively - responsibilities and accountability
Being willing to offer grace to one another, believe the best in each other, not seek outside opinions from those opposed to faith and marriage
Create space for communication with one another, communicate when one felt overwhelmed and needed quiet, reassurance, or care.
Continue to find support people to walk with in the faith community - they came prepared to resolve
In the guidelines we talked about the desire to have an agreement that they could both sign and be willing to work toward. This was drawn up as they disclosed their willingness to reside in the home together, and commit to doing their part and seeking outside help as extra supports were needed. The need to work on parenting strategies and lessen the stress of being against one another but on the same page together to provide stability for the kids
The agreement form was given and summary of the mediation disclosure and desires moving forward
we set a follow up meeting and regular check-ins for implementing some of the changes needed in following through and staying committed to what they agreed upon
Personal Reflection
This section is one of the most important and helps your advisor and the Review Team understand your perspective and growth as a conciliator.
The importance of bringing hope to a couple, the power of the story telling and desire outcomes given prior instructions so they came prepared to share. The impact of a decision to forgive one another and try again
We were limited to time due to a childcare need - I would have booked an extra 1/2 hour as an extra buffer
Relief and gratitude that they were both in a place of openess and willing to hear one another, forgive, and once again hold onto hope.