ICC Certification Case Reporting
Make every effort to submit your case reports within 30 days of services ending. Case reports are carefully reviewed by a Candidate Review Team prior to graduation so a detailed report is the best way to communicate the dynamics of the peacemaking skills used. Copies are automatically sent to you and your Advisor.
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Case Management Questions
Case management is everything that precedes actual conciliation and is often a significant preparation for both conciliator and the parties.
Came to me through our website.
I listened to their story, explained how we could help, parties individually agreed to move forward.
Through conversation and their cooperation with homework assigned I was able to assess the complexity of this case.
Intake form, Party agreement, ICC Rules of Procedure
US Digital building and via Zoom. This is my office building. Both parties were comfortable with these options.
No church or pastor was involved.
Through clear explanation of our neutral but qualified ability to help address heart issues and attempt to bring the parties to a mutually agreed upon outcome. the parties were willing and felt encouraged that we could help.
My church prayer team.
Pre-mediation Coaching Questions
Conflict Coaching cases do not apply toward Supervised case requirements. However, Pre-Mediation coaching is essential and counts toward your total mediation case hours.
This was mostly a personal case, but some outside parties did have an influence on what could be considered substantive. We agreed, not to include that piece for this layer of conciliation, to focus only on the personal component between these two parties at this time. Both parties were in agreement.
How has this experience impacted your view of the other party, of your relationship with God.
What would need to change in order for you to feel acknowledged by the other party?
How does the experience you've had in the mission field impact your sense of worth and value?
What fear do you have about the desired outcomes that you originally shared?
Both parties are victims of their spouses' interactions and behaviors impacting the relationship. For a true reconciliation there are six people who really need to be a part of this process. We agreed for the sake of time and reality to begin to work on the piece between these SIL/long-time good friends, sisters-in-Christ. As I interacted with the homework and conversations with Margaret, it seemed that her thought was about how inconvenient it was that Somona kept having an issue. It seemed that Margaret didn't feel she had any responsibility to the hurt that Somona had. I was concerned going in that this would be a stuck place.
Somona seemed the most deeply wounded through this process. There is a pretty significant trauma background that we needed to work through to help Somona focus on the pieces in front of her, to focus only on the part that concerned her and Margaret. Some of the heart language that was evident for Somona was her desire to feel protected got in the way of her being able to see Margaret as a whole person with a story of her own. Somona struggled with the need to 'be right' and we discussed how that was a place of her worth and value. Ephesians 2:10, Psalm 139:14 were good places to focus on to help her address this area.
John 15:13, 1 Cor 15:17-19, John 13, John 10:10, 1 John 1:9, Ephesians 2:10, Galatians 6:1-2, Matthew 5, Luke 6, John 4:1-10, Psalm 139:14, 1 Corinthians 12:1-20
As needed and as it felt helpful for clarifying for these two missionary sisters we folded in Scripture or allowed Scripture to be the clear language of the gospel truth to affirm or push against hard-heartedness. A key area for this duo was definitely coming back to identity in Christ and being Christ's ambassadors. This had lost its focus over time due to the hurts. As we focused on the hurts and how to resolve the emotions around it, the gospel was able to be more profoundly seen. This was the place of Unity that we could agree on.
Both parties did a great job of preparing their stories. some of the idols addressing could be addressed individually and both Margaret and Somona had tearful recollection and were prepared to share these with each other. some of those idols were the idol of comfort, the idol of needing to be valued over others, fear of man.
Each party did a great job of taking responsibility for their own story, taking constructive feedback, and allowing the Holy Spirit to fine tune their thinking. What was profound for this particular story is that there was a LOT of complexity to it. Parsing it down so that the most relevant pieces could be worked on was challenging, but they took feedback well and were intentional to pray and be prepared.
Working through the emotional complexity was more challenging for Sonoma and it required some fine tuning, lamenting, grieving. she is an intelligent messianic jewish missionary and she responded well to feedback and homework until she was 'feeling ready,' to have the in person conversation. Margaret appeared more stoic to the entire situation and I was concerned about her walling off, but she engaged with the homework, said the 'right' things, and it seemed she was as ready as she could be. Addressing fear of Sonoma was a pretty big challenge.
Mediation Case Questions
Continue completing this case form for all mediation cases, independent or supervised. You need to be the lead conciliator on two (2) cases submitted and you need to complete the intake for two (2) cases submitted.
Denise Serafin was my co-conciliator for the conciliation portion. She was not able to be a part of the coaching processes.
US Digital building and Zoom. We intentionally sat the parties next to each other versus across from each other both so Denise and I could share notes, and so that the parties would see themselves as equal to each other.
No questions. Denise did a great job.
The devotion used for day one was 1 Peter 3. The focus of how God uses Peter as His leader though fallible seemed to be an Important theme for this duo. Because both of them are spiritual leaders and spiritual siblings it seems God might use this to prick their hearts to seeing bigger than their scenario. Focusing on Kingdom versus their individual situation. It was actually pretty profound timing since one of them had just returned from Israel and the focus of war was in the forefront in a really tangible way.
We thought that Margaret would go first in the OS because she was intimidated most by Sonoma. We thought Sonoma hearing Margaret's desire would both assuage Sonoma's heart fears as well as Margaret's. This proved to be true. Both parties embraced the process and did a beautiful job listening to each other.
We used a three-part storytelling. Youth to married, married to now, conflict story. the goal of this was that the parties would see each other . And their ability to hear each other share who they thought they were in their young, married life, and their married life, and then finally in the conflict that they were experiencing these sections of life would be helpful in pulling apart the complexity of this particular conflict.
As I mentioned earlier, Sonoma had a strong heart issue with needing to be seen as right. I was concerned that that would be a driver in her story telling, but she did a really great job of being considerate and reflecting, on "I" statements, rather than used statements as she and I had worked through. We did an educational module on assumptions, apology, and confession. It turned out that these educational modules were very helpful for both Sonoma and Margaret. They interacted with the education modules well, and took away important truths that impacted the way they told their story.
Matthew 7:3-5, Galatians 5:16-20, 1 Corinthians 5:17, Matthew 18:15 - Philippians 2. Because so much foundation was built in the coaching, there were only a few times throughout the mediation process that we needed to bring Scripture in as a reminder. Both Sonoma and Margaret appreciated the Scripture reminder.
It was very powerful to see both Sonoma and Margaret confess their part in owning some assumptions they had made. They both acknowledged that their seeing each other mostly through the lens of their spouses behavior and actions caused them to doubt and become critical in their thinking toward each other. The sisterly reminder of John 15:13 coupled with 1 Peter really helped to set the 'tone' that they graciously accepted and encouraged for each other. God is so good!
we were able to talk about some next steps and how to move forward. We agreed another meeting would be able to solidify some of these. some intention is going to be to get to a place where all of the adults in this community would come together. They agreed to bring some 'safety' rules for the next meeting, and what they thought it would look like for safe parameters.
we have another meeting scheduled in December.
This section is one of the most important and helps your advisor and the Review Team understand your perspective and growth as a conciliator.
It is very worth it to do the important work of coaching before meeting. There were very few surprises outside of the tearful responses of both gals.
Encouragement, sadness, surprise.
As always Denise is a quiet but firm presence and is great about bringing her thoughts to the table in a caring way.