Our Conference is happening NOW! Join us! Click HERE for Conference Webpage
Our Conference has concluded but it's not too late! Click Here for Conference Recordings
Saved!
ICC Certification Case Reporting
Make every effort to submit your case reports within 30 days of services ending. Case reports are carefully reviewed by a Candidate Review Team prior to graduation so a detailed report is the best way to communicate the dynamics of the peacemaking skills used. Copies are automatically sent to you and your Advisor.
Advisor Approvals
Your candidate has been notified
Your changes are saved automatically as you enter each field,
but you can force a save using this button:
Your advisor has been notified
Are you sure? This is not reversible.
Deleting: One Moment Please
Privacy Policy: Do not use the actual names of the parties. But be consistent in the names that you do use for this report and your uploaded report summary. Any private case documents and files must be kept secure or destroyed after follow-up is complete. Please consult with your advisor or the ICC office if you have any questions.
Case Management Questions
Case management is everything that precedes actual conciliation and is often a significant preparation for both conciliator and the parties.
Sola Church on 5/19/2024 on Sunday morning service. CE recognizes there is consequence to his action due to having emtional affair with daughter-in-law, but because of his RSO (Register Sex Offender) background, there is fear (CE disclosed that at one church that he was part of the pastor distanced himself after finding out CE's legal stance, which was a hurtful experience CE reported).
CE does not see at the moment, but believes that comes from his past relationship with his parent. BC believes that it goes much deeper and hopes to eventually speak on the tree and root diagram and work through the heart level issue that is surrounding on "fear" On May 29th CE and his wife was going to go the final court to settle their divorce but sensed that God was leading them in a different direction, which called for this informal meeting after church service.
CE has agreed to BC to meet on a weekly basis for 60 minutes as they continue to work through the PDI and given homework assignments as they move forward together as they plug into the church and work through trust and forgiveness form one another. CE as we continued further in the counseling seemed to build a strong rapport and felt much more comfortable with where he was coming and the areas of growth that he was wanting to see. CE is trusting the process as he copperates with the counsel of God's Word to seek help from Jesus.
CE has tried after the brief separation with his wife to reconcile the matter. CE felt ashamed and guilty, as a result left the church and stopped going for church the past 8 months until he began to attend the current church. CE communicated that he has been praying and intentionally reading the Bible more since he has been coming to church on a weekly basis.
BC, female BC, CE and his wife.
In Person / Zoom meeting.
I am the pastor, so yes, I have been involved from the beginning.
Yes, with CE's wife will begin to see a female BC at the end of June. For the next several weeks, BC plans to work through praying over the collected PDI from the 1st session to dig deeper in the notes found to maximize their session till his wife begins to see the female BC.
BC and CE medidate on Scripture and empahsized 1 Corinthians 10:13 that God has hope for this marriage and want to progress to walk forward together. That God has not forsaken their relationship and God is close to the broken hearted.
Pre-mediation / Coaching Questions
Conflict Coaching cases do not apply toward Supervised case requirements. However, Pre-Mediation coaching is essential and counts toward your total mediation case hours.
CE disclosed that this began in September 2023 where he and his stepdaughter had an inappropriate relationship that led to the initial separation and to the point where him and his wife were getting a divorce. CE's wife even then that there was not "right" that was going on, but all this information was disclosed when the stepdaughter contacted CE's wife and reported the incident.
In September, CE's stepdaughter was out of work (in need of a job), and CE moved by "compassion" he wanted to help (also needed worker) so he could help by providing a job where he worked at the construction company. CE and the stepdaughter would work Monday through Friday 40 hours a week, but did not have physical adultery or sexual intercourse, but had emotional affair that brought both into seeking help and guidance. The stepdaughter dresses inappropriately (explicit suggestive dress code) and had personal issue that did not have appropriate personal space (boundaries) with him at work.
CE did give guidelines and instruction how to dress "appropriately" (clothes that can get dirty) but she would wear tight clothes that suggested and communicated and tempted CE and led him down the wrong path. CE because of his RSO status (Register Sex Offender) went over much of this in therapy (secular psychology) and felt great shame and fear as he knew what the consequence was going to be. CE entered the RSO status due to him molested the younger sister (stepdaughter) of CE's wife (this was years ago and only briefly shared, which needs to be confirmed and clarified in following sessions).
CE disclosed and communicated where the stepdaughter in law would even wear dresses with short skirt (or no bras on) for 3 days consistently but disregarded as perhaps it was due to the weather that she did. Because CE was a father-in-law he did not want to question straight forward asking, "Why would you show up like that?"
What was turning point in the relationship that brought them to counseling and seeking reconciliation with one another?
How is his son J been affected and how does this play in their relationship with one another?
BC and CE discussed from the booklet of Heart Change and shared of the difference between secular psychology versus biblical counseling. BC outlined and explained that the world's model is to feel good and focus on self, versus biblical counseling focuses more on the glory of God and the good of our neighbor. CE listened and agreed with the statement.
BC continued to challenge even with CE's belief system, that so much of even feeling "bored" or "peer pressure" comes back to the selfishness of one's heart (pride) and the only way to see genuine change and transformation is only through the power of the Holy Spirit, rather than guiding and shaming one's person past.
CE is eager to apply and work through. He sees the relationship more as an "accountability" but hope to walk through the joint session to walk through restoration and deal with matter of forgiveness and reconciliation of the marriage.
BC and CE focus on Ephesians 4 of how we are able to walk through and grow more in Christlikeness. BC outlined from Ephesians 4:25-32 the areas of sins how the apostle Paul dealt with people. The areas of such as (1) lying from verse 25. (2) Anger from verse 26 (3) Stealing from verse 28 (4) Foul language from verse 29 (5) Bitterness from verses 31-32.
BC challenge CE to identify from the fruit and root diagram where he can put away those sins and he can continue to work through the struggles of life but to put Christ first. BC challenged and outlined CE with the three areas of boxes to fill (1) idols (2) verses (3) actions.
BC challenged CE to work with the roots of four areas that he identified from the past to see in connection with the putting off gospel imperative.
BC instructed based on the homework of idols, that he to write a confessional letter. The letter outline was given by him taking responsibility of the actions where to walk through the process of restoration with him working through putting off sinful patterns in his life.
Based on Matthew 7:3-5 CE recognize his own ways fallen short of his role and responsibility as a husband and father. CE to identify what ways based on his fruit, what led to the crisis in the marriage how he plans to work and walk forward in the marriage relationship.
BC and CE met to go over the homework assignment that he turned in with the confessional letter. Because the homework was given the day of the meeting, BC instructed that they would go over the document together once BC reviews as they plan to move forward with a pathway of repentance. BC then outlined to walk through the topic of anger and shared how God wants us to respond with righteous anger rather than selfishness, which stems from pride.
BC challenged as he outlined the tree and root diagram for him to send an image of identifying what are the fruit that are there in his life currently and how we are going to put those to death and put them away. CE turned in homework assignment and plan to work on the list of issues that was seen as prevalent to help in their current trouble and struggle in the marriage.
BC asked question of how his behavior is connected to belief system, which CE thought for a moment and soon identified how these issues are seen in the Bible and God gives solutions to the problem of man.
CE disclosed that now, he is "sailing" and things are much better for him and his marriage. Compared to just several years ago (until 2022) where the PO (Probation Officer) matter was dealt with, at that point he was hopeless and went through discouragement. CE confessed that 8 months ago when all the matters took place (September 2023) he felt the same way where he was sinking in lostness and desperate situation. CE is doing better than where he was at prior.
BC is encouraged to see CE seem to be having a heart of repentance and wanting to do whatever it takes to restore the relationship and strengthen his marriage his commitment to the Lord.
BC has spoken to the female BC and sense in just several weeks, they are able to walk through the joint session and begin to walk through together how to walk through biblical process of restoration / reunification.
The outline will be sent eventually to the female BC to work through matters as they prepare for the joint session together.
Mediation Case Questions
Continue completing this case form for all mediation cases, independent or supervised. You need to be the lead conciliator on two (2) cases submitted and you need to complete the intake for two (2) cases submitted.
Because of confidentiality, I am unable to disclose the names. BC, female BC, CE and his wife.
Briefly over the phone during the meeting.
Initial pre-mediation meeting was in person, but the actual mediation meeting was done via zoom meeting. All parties sat around the table and worked and worked together initially as they set ground rules for the meeting.
BC, female BC, CE, and his wife met for the 1st joint session online. BC opened by reading Psalm 131:1-3 and led in prayer. BC shared how he was thankful for God's kindness of how far both CE and his wife has come along as they have worked alongside together as they shared their lives together moving away from divorce and now working through restoration / reunification.
The female BC as well shared of how she has seen improvement and growth in CE's wife and felt it has been beneficial for all parties. The female BC sought clarification on confession of two people, which CE's wife is still working on what that would possibly look like.
BC outlined utilizing Ken Sande's material on peacemaking of how they want to navigate through the conflict and past hurt of the emotional affair that happened in the family dynamic. BC outlined and encouraged both CE and his wife to read the 7 As in conflict resolution that was provided by the school of Mediation training.
BC and CE met reading over Psalm 131:1-3 and prayed together to ask for God's wisdom and leading for the meeting. CE disclosed during the prayer of, "even though who are not please with me…." BC noticed that phrase and sought clarification on what he meant during the prayer. CE communicated that he felt discouraged knowing that he has caused hurt and difficult for those who are around him, especially his wife and son. BC empathized and listened and took note of this.
CE further communicated of how his feeling comes and go, where even during work he was tempted where he shared of seeing a teenager close to the work who was dressed inappropriately and he felt ashamed he had to report this to his wife, which he wanted to hide but did not want to live in deception. BC commended him for living in "truth" rather than in the "dark" for trying to be held accountable for him and his action.
CE was willing to do anything he could do, but the past 8 months did not attend church as he lost much hope and was ashamed of what was taking place in his life. However, the past several weeks both CE and his wife went out for dates, and they rediscovered that they are in love and want to work through the relationship and the past hurt.
BC listened and reflected by asking clarifying questions of the situations and suggested both to seek individual counseling at first and then eventually work through a joint session and work through the matters of biblical model of marriage.
CE communicated where the issue of the relationship with his wife began even when they got married at age 29 about 18 years ago. He shared how Melissa at this point had 3-4 marriages and the three children were from one set of family, and the latter two were from the 4th marriage. CE's wife struggle with body image and the oldest son (age 18) was in and out of jail for using drugs. 2009 the relationship went south and sought counseling (3 years after marriage) but CE did not feel that it was helpful at the moment.
CE's wife contributed into the discussion as well and disclosed how she was hurt and felt betrayed by the act where she heard from the daughter over the phone what was taking place between CE and the stepdaughter. CE's wife did not understand why CE did not communicated or disclosed the matter such as why CE would smoke with the daughter (lied as she could smell on clothing), why step-daughter dressed inappropriately (CE's wife communicated, "She has a daddy shape hole, has problem with older men as a pattern"), and not communicating where CE wanted to help the daughter in distress and CE not seeking help from her as a wife.
CE's wife did report that the daughter is at fault as well where he would play "gullible" (innocent) and lead other men on which has been confronted multiple times but continues on liking to have "tension" from older men, which perhaps was affected due to not having a father early on in her life. CE's wife too recognizes that the stepdaughter has deep issues she needs to personally work through as well.
But CE and CE's wife disclosed that both are no longer in contact (in fact, lost contact) and are no longer working since November when the information was disclosed of the inappropriate contact with CE and the stepdaughter. At this point, CE's wife did not see how she could continue with the marriage where they both lived under the same roof, but in separate rooms and eventually in January 2024 moved out to a mobile house and divorce was in the process (both CE and CE's wife has a 11 yar old son which makes the situation a much more complex situation).
BC and CE to continue to see the fruit of the issue that reveals the root problem of the heart. BC and CE reviewed his homework assignment of the fruit and root diagram that he turned in. The fruit that was identified were the following: lust lying, chaos, selfishness, bitterness, pride, immorality, emptiness, doubt, anger, anxiety and depression.
CE disclosed that in the past, he tried to fix the problem but was more a bandage over the real problem rather than looking to the Lord. CE reported that over the last decade plus that he has gone for quick fix to solve the problem that he knew that he has had for years.
CE communicated that he has attempted to get closer with the Lord by his own will power and try to be a better person over the years. However, CE shared that those attempts did not go well and he will instead focus on playing sports (soccer) or just work harder (workaholic) to distract his mind that the problem goes beyond 2018 when he was caught with his sin, but back into 2010.
BC listened and sought clarification of the situation. CE communicated he noticed he has bitterness in life itself of how he has "felt" that life was unfair, and he was envious of others (sin of jealousy) and had negative thoughts dominate his life. He felt like a failure and not "successful" with life that made him even more depressed with his own situation.
Private meeting was not done for this mediation.
CE as instructed to go to Matthew 15:19 had a hard time finding the verses, which indicates to BC that CE does not have a regular devotional time in the Word. CE coming from out of town, will have to learn spiritual discipline so he can become a leader of the home.
BC outlined from the discipleship Y diagram the inner man and outer man connection. BC instructed CE to look at Galatians 5:22-23 and compare his fruit and root diagram with the fruit seen in Scripture.
BC and CE spoke on the topic of inner man and outer man. CE is starting to identify and notice that his life is caused by the idols coming out in his sadness and anger towards life. BC listened and jotted down notes and walk through the booklet together.
BC challenged CE to work on the next section of looking at Ephesians 4 of "putting off" and "putting on" by obedience unto Christ of the actions that he identified in the fruit and root diagram. CE to go back and identifying areas to "put off" and looking at Ephesians 4 the principle applying in life as he looks at areas where he is struggling and needs to put off with lust.
BC outlined his fruit issues and shared of the four areas of the root that he identified, (1) Fear (2) Control (3) Power (4) Acceptance. BC challenged CE's belief system that due to his desire, need, rights that he wanted to become a "father" and giving a life he once did not haven’t come into "reality" that led him to deep depression and a season of despair.
CE agreed and sought more information of how to overcome his own depression, pride and bitterness that rose from his heart. BC taught from belief into behavior that the problem goes deeper than what he has originally thought and will unfold further in the future sessions. CE read out loud his letter which he shed tears of remorse of the grievances of sin that he has caused towards his wife. BC listened and empathized with where he was coming from, but also follow up with asking clarifying questions.
CE shed some tears so did CE's wife as they shared of some of the painful memories and promises of how they are wanting to move forward. CE's wife then forgave CE (not certain if it was verbally share), but then went in the direction of what she was hoping for CE to do and help around the house as a father to the child and the direction of the job. BC and female BC empathized and listened and hopes to speak more in detail perhaps in the future.
BC sought clarification of what CE's wife have thought and maybe wanted to add "clarity" but his wife felt good with how CE confessed his sins before her. BC encouraged CE's wife if there are other items that comes, that it will be good to discuss in the future session to move forward in the freedom and forgiveness that is found in Christ.
BC and CE met and discussed from the list given of idols and desires that he shared. CE turned his homework assignment of identifying the idols of the heart and how that manifest in his own life. CE shared by looking at how his desires are not supported with Scripture and how that must be "repented" as he puts off sin.
CE shared that he too recognizes that the society that we live in, that there are many who are angry and a nation that is in rage due to sinful pattern of anger. The anger that he witnesses and see are (1) social justice (2) independence, (3) abortion (4) pills with substance abuse, (5) alcohol abuse to find comfort in their despair. BC listened and took note, which he then led to further clarifying question of what he sees in his own life the ways anger manifest in his life.
CE disclosed and shared the following (1) challenges in work (2) Help that is needed that doesn't come (3) Rights of being appreciated (4) Unfairness when things are not dealt rightly.
Based on that, BC outlined how anger can be seen from a prideful perspective rather than humility that is display through Christlikeness.
BC sought clarification by what he meant "sad" (depression) and CE disclosed of going back 17 years ago with his own marriage, where he had ideal picture of what a family would be and he would "help" the five children that didn't turn out the way he expected. That soon turned into a deeper problem with the news of where he was not able to have "children" of his own due to his low count in his sperm which shook and saddened him.
BC empathized with CE of the situation and the news, which later realized his current son came in the picture due to the older son that CE's wife had drug issues that went through foster care and adoption system. However, CE shared further that the journey of adoption was a "roller coaster" of getting hopes up and down where he felt defeated and hopeless that eventually led further into his sin of lust and pornography.
BC and CE met and discussed from booklet chapter 3 on the topic of "put off " and "put on" CE identified the following areas he needs to put off (1) Debate, (2) Envy (3) Impatience (4) Lewd. BC listened and sought clarification, where CE disclosed that those sins stamp from the heart of "pride" that makes it difficult for him to deal with matters.
BC outlined out Hurt - Anger -Bitterness - Rebellion is the pattern how people manifest in their lives. Instead, BC taught from Philippians 2:3-4, Ephesians 4:31-32, 1 Corinthians 13:5 and Luke 17:4 that how for Christians ought to be Hurt - Tenderhearted Compassion - Loving - Forgiving response instead that is based on humility.
CE listened and agreed with how one can overcome anger by coming from the stance of the gospel.
Tree and root diagram.
CE seems to continue to progress and learn to grow in his faith. CE still struggles with finding Scripture and being used to opening Scripture, but clearly shows his humility and willingness to work through the past sin and struggles of his own sin.
CE was doing much better but was praying for God's direction as he is looking for a job that he is more stable. Due to going through the initial divorce case, CE is not on health insurance now. He has been in his job for the past 12 years and realize that he needs more a steady job with good benefits that come along with it. CE communicated though that he is struggling to find the stability and the steadiness of his background as an RSO so he at times feels discouraged by making an Indeed account to trust God as he moves forward.
CE overall compared to the 1st session meeting till the 12th session, he has improved overall in his words, attitude and action. BC encouraged him to continue to look to the Lord, but compared to 3-4 months ago, he is day and night different from feeling "depressed" as he was not able to see how he was able to move forward. BC and CE visited the possibility doing a mediation meeting if possible if the daughter was willing to do so, but CE was not certain but open to making restoration and seeking forgiveness on his part.
NA.
Personal Reflection
This section is one of the most important and helps your advisor and the Review Team understand your perspective and growth as a conciliator.
BC learned how much pain and pain CE gone through his childhood. BC and CE walked through and looked at the passage of Psalm 18:1-35 on the impact of sin and how to lament their struggles to the Lord.
BC instructed and outlined from the passage how one can be changed as they look to the Lord and putting off sin and putting on Christ righteousness through their devotion and trust in the Lord. BC challenged CE to write an impact statement and identify the sins (specifically sexual immorality) where he will share that in the next session and how to prevent himself from getting into those areas by leaning on the Lord and having accountability in his own life.
CE communicated (seems as he was hesitant or uncomfortable, which can be understandable) about how he was molested as a child by an older male when he was 6 years old. CE also shared as he went over his impact statement, that he did a similar practice when he was working with a PO (Parole Officer) years ago what led him to certain actions and thoughts as he shared.
Once again, perhaps it was due to being later in the evening (BC met with him an hour later as he had a prior counseling session planned with another person). But left soon after the session. BC will follow up with clarification if he was doing ok as it may have been due to the nature of a topic that is very raw and hurtful memories of his past.
BC and CE were able to share and spoke on part of the "root problem" where the problem stemmed from not able to have children at age 29 when he met his wife due to his physical and biological count in not able conceive a child. BC sympathized with CE as he shared, he sensed anger even towards God as he wanted to become a father to his own children.
CE spiraled and led that to a season of depression where he sought his "comfort" and "pleasure" in getting into pornography addiction, where led him deeper to mental and spiritual guilt/shame for many years. CE knew it was wrong, but he was not able to cope with the fact of not being able to have children, which he sensed was a punishment from God.
CE was encouraged by God's Word and how he is committed to doing so as they look and trust in the Lord through the process.
In the middle of pre-mediation, CE lost his father which switched to grief counseling. BC would have spent more time on counseling the heart on “grief” if he could do differently. CE when approached about his father, he communicated how his relationship was like with his father. CE seemed to be still grieving the death of his father and was not able to attend the funeral due to being overseas. CE further disclosed that his brother in Virginia was able to be there to grieve with the family. CE seems to be concern that eventually the deep sadness will hit him, but he is keeping himself occupied and busy with work.
BC and CE read from Lamentation 3:1-23 and focused on how to lament well and trusting God amid the grieving process. He shared of how he felt that way about 9 months ago, but thankful God has not given up on him with and God's faithfulness is renewed each morning.
BC taught from Job 1:1-21 where the life of Job looking to the comfort and hope that is found in Jesus Christ. BC outlined that even Job with the trials and adversity, Job did not sin against the Lord (v. 22). CE agreed that it is both encouraging and comforting to know that there are others who have gone through suffering and trials and still respond well to the Lord. BC challenged CE to look to Christ in the midst of the mess, though things will look different, but the heart attitude of worship is in the right place as he trust in the Lord and leans on Christ.
BC and CE observed how his relationship has been impacted due to his relationship with his father that he has had. CE shared that his wife had a unique and good relationship back in 2015 when they lived in KC area with them.
BC felt sadden to hear the painful past he has experienced. BC utilized the book "Putting Your Past in Its Place" by Steve Viars and shown from the 4-bucket diagram where CE found himself in the category. CE shared that he sensed that he was in the "Innocent yet responded poorly" which BC agreed with him. CE shared of his journey of how he even thought of leaving back to his country due to not having a relationship in the states and gave up much hope, which was when he met his wife.
BC outlined and shared where they will next time look at the life of Job and how both can work and trust God despite bad situations or unexpected things happen to our lives.
Female BC from RGCC.