How Can I Live With Them?

In a recent coaching appointment, someone sat across from me, visibly burdened. Their voice trembled as they asked, “How can I live with them?” The “them” in question was someone who had deeply offended them—someone they couldn’t avoid, someone they had to interact with regularly. The pain was real, and the question was honest.

I’ve heard this lament before. It’s the cry of a heart caught between hurt and hope, between justice and mercy. And it’s a question Scripture doesn’t ignore.

I gently asked, “Would you be willing to let Scripture speak into that question?”

We opened to Romans 12:18: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” The verse doesn’t promise ease, but it does call us to pursue peace. Not just with those we like, but with all—even those who wound us.

Then we turned to Matthew 5:44: “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Jesus doesn’t just ask us to tolerate difficult people. He calls us to love them. To pray for them. To bless them.

The weight of these verses settled in. My client was quiet. Then came the honest pushback: “But how can I live with them when they’ve hurt me so deeply?”

That’s when I guided them to a Christ-centered perspective.

I said, “That’s a fair question. But let me ask you another: How can you live forever with them?”

Their eyes widened.

I continued, “If they are in Christ, and you are in Christ, then you will spend eternity together. Not just in proximity—but in perfect unity, joy, and love. The offense that feels unbearable now will be swallowed up in the glory of redemption. The wounds will be healed. The tears will be wiped away.”

We turned to Revelation 21:3-4: “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man… He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore.”

And to Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

The gospel doesn’t just call us to forgive—it empowers us to do so. Because we’ve been forgiven much, we can forgive much. Because Christ reconciled us to Himself, we can pursue reconciliation with others. (See: Viewing Others As Someone For Whom Christ Has Died)

I reminded them that reconciliation doesn’t mean ignoring the offense or pretending it didn’t happen. It means choosing to see the other person through the lens of eternity. It means asking, “What would it look like to begin living now as if we were already in heaven together?” (See: Viewing a Brother or Sister in Christ Amidst Conflict)

That question changes everything.

It shifts the focus from the pain of the moment to the promise of forever. It invites us to live today in light of eternity. It doesn’t erase the hurt, but it gives us hope.

As our session ended, this individual didn’t have all the answers. But they had a new question. A better question. A gospel-shaped question. They had a new sense of hope.

“How can I live forever with them?”

That’s the question that leads to healing. That’s the question that leads to Christ.